Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
