people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
