Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
