Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
