Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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