So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
