Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
