dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
