DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
