i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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