That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
