Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
