You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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