At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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