my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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