Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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