You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
