we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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