i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
