did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
