yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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