So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
