There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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