Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
