Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize