im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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