Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
