We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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