You just made me feel so damn special
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
