I'm really into asian looking animals
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
