The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
