I got chris browned last night
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize