I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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