so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
