Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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