you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
