these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
