Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
