I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
