I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
