I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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