Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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