I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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