just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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