then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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