I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
