i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
