My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
