I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
