Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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