her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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