if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
