I'm drive I can fine osifer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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