I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize