Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize