I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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