You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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