This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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