Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He has the fingertips of a God
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