i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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