i jhust puked up my retainher.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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