Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
