i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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