I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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