dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
