you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
