ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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