Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize