Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
