yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found the puke drawer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize