office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize