Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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