I can text with my tongue
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
