He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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