I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
plz talk dirty to me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
